Caught Up In Our Own Feelings

I think so many times as adoptive couples we get caught up in our own feelings we forget what our birthmothers are going through. We all have to write the ‘dear birthmother’ letter that is required but how many of us can really relate to the words we write?

Most of us have never felt the pain, poverty, abuse or addiction some of these girls have experienced. We have no idea what it feels like to be homeless and hungry with a baby in tow and one on the way. Now add to those circumstances having to make the decision to place the baby you’ve been carrying for 9 months in the arms of another family. To see their faces glow with joy while inside you’re dying.

To be so desperate your only choice is to give up the precious life that has been growing inside you. I don’t think most of us have ever experienced that kind of despair and desperation. After our daughter was born I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt, not wanting to feel like I had taken something she didn’t want to give away.

I struggled for weeks just wanting her to be okay with the decision. It wasn’t until she visited our daughter a couple of weeks later I felt she had made peace with her choice to place her baby with us. I hope no matter where you are the adoption process that you can step back from your own feelings and really think what it must be like to be on the other end. The amount of time you have waited to be parents will pale in comparison to the years she will be without her child.